When I was pregnant for the first time, we were so thrilled and I immediately wanted to tell everyone I knew. We’d been trying to get pregnant for about a year, so it felt like a huge success — something we wanted to shout from the rooftops. In the end, I only told my best friend and our immediate family members, and when I miscarried a few weeks later, I was so glad that I didn’t tell everyone I knew. While on one hand, most everyone would have been supportive, I feel like their sympathy may have made me even sadder. I appreciated the privacy of mourning in my own way and deciding when to move on.
So by the time I got pregnant for the second time, we already knew that we would keep it under wraps until I was in my second trimester. It wasn’t easy, not just because we were so excited, but because I was exhausted and sick as a dog! No one has ever confessed to suspecting that I was pregnant, but I made so many trips to the bathroom (from which I returned as pale, sweaty, and with a mouthful of mints) and sat in so many meetings with heavy eyelids that my co-workers must have wondered what was wrong with me. When we made the announcement, I was solidly in my second trimester, and it was just as exciting to let people in on the secret then as it would have been right away.
But choosing when to tell friends and family members about your pregnancy is entirely a personal choice. There are absolutely benefits and drawbacks to choosing to tell right away, just as there are for waiting. If you tell people right away, you won’t have to run to another floor of your office building every time you feel a wave of morning sickness coming on. People won’t wonder why you’re suddenly such a drag. And, heck, it’s exciting to have everyone in on the big news right away. Waiting has its benefits too, and those run the gamut from avoiding awkward interactions in the case of a miscarriage to keeping your work life in-tact if you work for a particularly competitive company that doesn’t exactly embrace pregnancy and family values.
And, listen, people are probably going to judge you no matter what you choose to do. Ignore them. Remember that everything about your pregnancy is your decision. Tread thoughtfully and you’ll feel confident in your decisions no matter what the fallout.
To all you mamas out there, how long did you wait until you shared the news of your pregnancy?